|payingattention (payingattention) wrote,|
@ 2008-08-07 18:28:00
|Current music:||Would be the aforementioned but I'm lazy|
#7: Must remind yourself
- I am good
- I am worthy
- I can be loved
- I don't need to worry
- I am smart
- I am allowed to be imperfect
- I am allowed to overreact
- I am allowed to make mistakes
- I am allowed to choose my own path
- I don't need to listen to everyone else
- I am forgivable, but I don't always need forgiveness.
- I am not always wrong
A lot has happened. Dumped Amy. Got back together with Amy. Had an epic epiphany after watching High Fidelity for the first time, subsequently felt Grandma briefly. That was nice. Fought with Mom. Tried to get my point across, and now I'm left in my room, alone by my own wishes, trying to grasp the fact that we will be okay. She doesn't hate me. Sooner or later we'll be able to sit down and talk about this and maybe I won't get triggered and flip out. I need to work on that, need to work on the idea that she's never going to listen to me. Maybe she didn't when I was younger, but people change. I just need to understand her process and that it doesn't always have something to do with me. Like, it's not me being thirteen, getting into a fight with her, and having her not speak to me for three days or more. A week sometimes. That was painful.
Maybe one day I can talk to her about that.
In other news, Lexapro has already sapped me of my orgasm. What a fucking pain. Aside from that though, no real changes have been noticed. I was getting headaches really bad for the first day or so, but I don't know if there was any correlation. I was feeling better up until today, which was the first time I thought about killing myself in a while. That's an improvement!
You take what little you can get, I suppose.
Ain't it strange that I can dream
(You can say it's night or day,
snow or rain, it's all the same)
when there's nothing I have ever seen?
-- "Cleo" Built to Spill