|payingattention (payingattention) wrote,|
@ 2009-01-26 03:12:00
|Current music:||"Through the Sound of Crashing Pins" - Kind of Like Spitting|
#21: Organize this into something sober
So we went to the strip club, right? And I thought it'd be all fun and games and it was, I mean wicked props to Amanda for being able to walk around naked in front of close friends like it ain't no thing (and strangers too!), and she was the best there. I mean, holy shit. She makes the most I'd think.
And then there was the shirtless contest, right? And I figured if they're just judging by tits I might have a shot. The rest of my body wouldn't be held accountable and I wouldn't have to dance. But then we had to dance, and I thought it'd be fine. And by the time I heard they'd be playing three songs instead of just one, I got nervous but we'd already said we would do it. Besides, we're splitting the winnings and going to the bar later, right? I can dance for that long. I've been to middle school dances before.
Nah. Everyone made more money than me. Everyone could dance up on the strange middle aged men we didn't know. And I would have been fine with that, but I realized halfway through the first song that I don't know how to shake my hips. I can't fake it, nothing like that at all. I just can't shake my hips. I can't act conventionally sexy. I can't.
So I made four bucks. Everyone made more money than me. I feel unbearably unsexy. I feel ugly and awful. If I hear one more person talk about how great my personality is, I'm going to vomit. Personality is great, we shouldn't objectify women, etc etc etc. But I want to be objectified sometimes because then I know someone finds me physically attractive. I don't want to be that girl who's busted ass ugly but is "nice enough to date."