|payingattention (payingattention) wrote,|
@ 2009-02-18 18:49:00
#25: This is why I can't stand you and your boyfriend sometimes
First and foremost, it's obviously because I'm jealous. You're having all the sex I'm not having, and you're spending time with someone who isn't me. But that's not the major issue.
The major issue was outlined the night I came home, in the worst fucking mood ever. You knew I was going through a really difficult time. You knew that, everyone knew that. You left your room and you followed me. That's what you did. You chose to leave having sex with him to take care of me, and that all at once stunned me and flattered me. I thought for a second that maybe your priorities hadn't changed. Maybe it was still chicks before dicks.
But halfway through, you went inside your room to comfort him. You left me. And then I get put in a shitty situation, like, am I supposed to tell you to stay with me while you leave him hanging? Do you understand that's a stupid fucking thing to expect from a person? You should just know that, there are things friends just know and you should have known that maybe, just maybe for once, you could spend time with me, when I was hurting, than having to worry about your boyfriend's erection.
But I didn't tell you to stay. Why would I ask you to change your priorities? If you had wanted to stay, you would have. I didn't want to be the reason you didn't have sex, and if I WAS the reason, I wanted you to be the one to say to him "Look, she's upset. We can finish up later." But you didn't do that. You went in there and you finished with him.
That's why it makes me angry when you complain. That's why I always tell you that you don't know how to say no. And that's why I got mad when you said "Are you even listening?" The thing is, I don't really give a shit if you know how to say no or not. You'll figure it out eventually. What matters to me, what happened to me, was that because you don't know how to say no, your priorities changed. Him having an orgasm was suddenly more important than what I was going through. You and I are friends. We're supposed to be best friends, isn't that what we tell everyone? Aren't professors starting to associate us with each other because we take all the same classes, because we live together, because of everything? After all the shit we've been through, I guess I always thought we had some super special bond. I thought I came first. I thought you put your friends first.
But you didn't that night, and that stays with me every day. That stays with me every time I come home and I wait in my room for the two of you to finish so I have someone to hang out with. That stays with me every time I hear the futon creak, every time you bend to his every wish and desire. That stays with me when you say you don't want to watch Degrassi because he's here. That stays with me.
You really hurt me that night, and maybe I should get over it. I mean, I never hashed it out with you, it's old news. But it doesn't change fact. You forgot chicks before dicks. You ditched a friend in pain to fuck a boy. I'm sorry, it doesn't fly.