|payingattention (payingattention) wrote,|
@ 2008-07-09 23:18:00
|Current music:||"Daylight" -- Aesop Rock|
#3: Out-of-state of mind
Like I thought, Delaware was awesome. It also served as a decent mental vacation so I could get my bearings and feel moderately more prepared to come home and deal with what needs to be dealt with. Diane says I'm not prioritizing with myself in mind, but I think I'm doing the best I can for now. I say baby steps and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who understands how important that is.
I feel a little refreshed, like now I can start identifying with the fact that I can control my future instead of just letting myself die. This is what healing feels like.
I'm tired and sort of distracted, but I haven't updated since Thursday and I know I won't be able to tomorrow so I thought I'd zing in and chronicle how I feel right now.
Not better. I'm okay, which isn't a bad thing. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm okay. I'm raw but I'm open to suggested directions on which way to go. Books I need to read, things I need to do, steps I have to take. Part of prioritizing myself is getting on board with the medication and starting to get my life in order--clean my room, catch up on biology. Biology should come first but every time I think about it my stomach hurts.
But I'm feeling okay, for now. A four day weekend of binge drinking and homos will do that, apparently.